Here's who they are, in case you're lucky enough to be a 22-year-old bachelor who has never heard the name. I apologize in advance.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZVbigFntFc
We're here to make you sing, dance, and question your very reason for living!
So, we went ahead and bought tickets to an actual concert of said band. I think there was even a pre-sale, which implies that people were so eager to purchase tickets, that they went on sale before they went on sale. Says a ton about the current state of the music industry when we're clamoring to pre-order tickets to a concert of a fictitious band. I only wish the money I put down on it was phony too.
I dropped him off at school that day, prefacing the entire day with, "Mommy and I will pick you up early and then it's straight to the Fresh Beat show!" He was beyond thrilled. Hell, even I started getting excited just to see him experience something he'd waited so long to see. In a word, I was eager. In another word, I was embarrassed. To be eager. After all, the original Marina wouldn't even be there! (That's an inside joke for my fellow Fresh Beat sufferers)
We picked him up around the time we said we would, and naturally hit an unacceptable amount of traffic on the Parkway heading to Toms River to the Pine Belt Arena, where as it turns out this concert was taking place in a high school gym (not an actual arena, which made me feel better about the music industry, but worse about the money I'd spent on each seat). We got there 10 minutes into the performance and I could already feel the vomit start to form. But I took solace in knowing that I was doing something for my son that was as charitable as it was commendable, allowing him to live out a dream, to see his heroes live and in the flesh. So instead of puking, I simply smiled to myself. I knew it was going to be money well spent. That was, until I actually looked at Antonio's face.
The above photo displays his expression for no less than 80% of the entire concert. Complete and utter indifference. He looked how I often look when I accidentally leave a documentary about the War of 1812 on and can't find the remote. We tried asking why he wasn't more excited, of course. But he gave us the silent treatment. A part of me was silently happy. Could it be that my spawn has come to his senses and realized how terrible and ghastly this music actually is? I soon came to find out that the culprit was food-related. Yup. Despite eating strawberries, a yogurt, a granola bar, and probably a 16-oz steak on the drive down, he started whining that he was hungry. So I took him to wait on the excruciatingly long food line. At this point it was during intermission so I figured I had the time to wait on it. So, after we finally got to the front of the line, I realize I hadn't seen a single person paying with credit card. I leaned in and reluctantly asked, "Are you cash only?" The cashier nodded disinterestedly. I literally took the bag of Sun Chips and slammed it on the counter like some kind of ogre. I may have even shouted an expletive as I stormed off, Antonio dragging behind me as he begged me for just a nibble. I started to hate myself.
Fortunately, Sonia emerged and had about two dollars in quarters, which was barely enough to cover the cost of the overpriced chips. So as Antonio went out of his way to kick, scream, and do everything in his power to show he didn't deserve happiness, we begrudgingly handed him the bag of chips. Of course, this process took so long that we missed the one fucking song he claimed he wanted to hear- "Just Like a Rock Star." He couldn't have given a shit less. He just wanted a God damn snack.
At long last, we finally made our way back to our seats, just so Antonio could softly sob while making sure I couldn't reach into his bag. Then, I saw something so foreign I knew I had to snap a shot of it with my camera. Yes, folks, this actually happened, during the last song of the performance, as the "arena" started to empty...
Yes, Antonio smiled. And for a couple of seconds, his face matched the excitement he had been oozing with over the last several months. And folks, it was that exact moment when I decided NOT to jump off a bridge and die a watery, painful death.
Till next time, be strong and stay sane.
Working hard on my upcoming parenting book. Stay tuned!
-Joe DeProspero
jdeprospero@gmail.com
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