How the Newtown Tragedy Can Make Us Better Parents and People

I don't watch the news. I never have. When I do have five minutes to sit down at the end of a long, exhausting day, I tend to gravitate toward ESPN or the Palladia music channel. Why? Because I watch television to decompress, to forget my troubles, to have a carefree smile. The news simply reminds me that there are terrible people in the world, and it serves me no purpose to be reminded of that on a daily basis. Then the events of Friday happened, and I've avoided the news even more. Not as much for me, but for my 3 1/2 year old son, who I feel the need to shield from this horror.

The day of the shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School, I was sitting at my desk at work, feeling a bit of regret for having passed on my company's holiday party taking place that night. Instead, I would be taking my kids to a nearby garden center for "Story Time with Santa." While I was certainly looking forward to seeing the wonder in my sons' eyes when Santa bound into the room, our holiday party was always something I enjoyed. "Is sacrificing this party worth it?" I asked myself. Then, my wife called me in tears, informing me of the tragedy that was unfolding. And the only plan that made any sense was being with my children. Immediately.

I've always been overly cautious. Even before I was a father, I would peer at others on an airplane, or even a coffee shop, and wonder if they harbored bad intentions. Unfortunately, the events of 9/11, Columbine, Virginia Tech, Newtown, etc. have only confirmed my concerns. Put simply, there's evil out there. We just have to be fortunate enough not to be around it when it rises to the surface. And the sad fact is that there will always be members of our society who will slip through the cracks, who will be mistreated as kids, have serious mental illnesses that will go undiagnosed, and could ultimately pose risks to the ones we love most.

I'm not foolish enough to believe that I have the answer to end these senseless acts of violence. However, I do intend to be especially diligent about what I do have control over. Here's a list of those things.

* Hugging and kissing my children even more

As parents, we're the first line of defense against our kids' actions, and more often than not, I believe what these soulless monsters who kill the innocent are missing is the love and attention of those closest to them. I tell my sons I love them no less than 20 times a day. It's what I feel and it's what I believe they need to hear. I'm not saying my hugs and affection will yield angelic, error-free members of society, but I think their chance of being good people starts with me and my wife.

* Not ignoring warning signs

Surely,we don't always have the luxury of getting these. But even as young as my older son is (3), one of his classmates playfully mentioned that he planned to bring his toy gun in. Thirty years ago, we might have laughed this off. And I'm sure it was harmless, that he was talking about a water gun or an imaginary gun for all I know. But I still alerted their teacher. As a father, I felt that it was my responsibility. In 2012 (or any year), you can never be too safe.

Naturally, there are other, more subtle warning signs, that are often overlooked. Like your brother or nephew distancing themselves from their friends, slipping into a deep depression, etc. We aren't always aware of these things, of course. But the other day, I texted a friend who was down on his luck just to remind him that someone loved him. Call me naive, but I do believe that small gesture can make the difference in someone's life. Again, I'm not pretending that a text message is the solution to school violence, but I do believe we all have a societal responsibility to simply look around our family and social circle and pick someone up when they've fallen. Spreading love can only help.

* Ensuring my children are as safe as they can be

The night of the Newtown shootings, I stepped into each of my sons' rooms at about midnight, and simply watched them sleep peacefully. Clearly, they were safe, resting comfortably in their beds. But the sense of helplessness that the Newton tragedy caused made it feel like two rooms away was too far. I imagine I'm not the only parent whose level of caution with their children has skyrocketed. I trust my sons with my family. I trust them with their teachers at school who are loving women with a security system in place. As they grow up, I'll need to learn to trust them with others. But I'll also need to ensure that whoever they are with, any friend's car they climb into, any house they sleep over is safe for them. It won't be easy, but being a parent rarely is.


I could talk about my own fears and concerns all day. And I certainly have my opinions on gun control. But assuming gun laws remain the same, and instead we are forced as citizens to be more diligent, we all need to do our part. Especially those of us trying to shield our precious children from the evils in the world they are far too young to face or even comprehend.

Spread love. Not hate.

-Joe DeProspero
jdeprospero@gmail.com
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