Clearly, most of us don't have children with the intent of raising them to be deceitful cretins. But let's face it; despite our best efforts to keep them honest, we've all been guilty of at least one of the following deeds:
The Nap Illusion
This is really only applicable if you have multiple children. But if you do, then you're familiar with the nap illusion. Your younger child is still on a daily nap schedule, but your older one is past that phase. He's all like, "Sleeping? Ain't nobody got time for that!" However, your younger one won't go to sleep if he sees his older sibling awake and having fun. So what do you do? You create the nap illusion. I did this last weekend. I whispered to my son, Antonio, "Lay down and pretend you're going to sleep, too." He smiled menacingly and did just that. But not before doing his best to sell the illusion.
"Don't worry, Nate. I'm taking a nap and I'm definitely not going to stay up and play with those Legos that are on the floor over there." #subtle
Making Mom Happy
When we're hustling to get out the door for a party, getting the kids dressed, ready, fed, happy and not hitting you is no easy feat while we're trying to get ready ourselves. So if you're a guy who's married to a woman, she will regularly ask you to "approve" her outfit. And if she doesn't believe you, she may get so desperate that she asks your child. So, I try to be ahead of this and coach my son to "tell Mommy that you think her color scheme is appropriate and seasonal. No matter what she's wearing, say exactly that." Naturally, he doesn't say that at all and we end up being late to the party and everyone is crying.
CYA
Picture this. You're driving two children to a farm to go apple-picking. It's October, so there's only so long you can avoid doing such a thing. Your wife is out of town so it's all on you to get the kids dressed and to assemble the perfect amount of snacks and drinks for your voyage. You arrive at the farm and go to take them out of their car seats. But you realize something odd. Your younger son appears to have already figured out how to unbuckle himself from his seat. You think, "Wow, my kid is so gifted and surprisingly strong. I can't believe he..." And then you realize you never strapped him into his car seat to begin with! You look around for witnesses to this act of juvenile carelessness. Your older son is looking at you with a menacing grin. You beg him not to tell his mother. "What good would that do?" you even ask. You're desperate to maintain your otherwise average parental reputation. But I speak from personal experience (because this entire scenario happened to me) in saying that your kid won't care about your reputation and you'll end up looking like Casey Anthony.
Sure, I'll lie for you. For a price.
Ultimately, I guess I should be happy since 2/3 of the time, my child opts for the truth instead of honoring my wishes for a bold-faced lie. But I'm foolish enough to think that my children will make the distinction between what I say is okay to lie about and what their inner voice tells them is acceptable. And the real moral of this story is that your kids won't lie about the things you want them to lie about, so simply urge them to tell the truth, no matter what the consequence...which is likely what I should have been doing all along.
Thanks for reading, and feel free to share this with others.
Joe DeProspero
jdeprospero@gmail.com
Follow me on Twitter here.
Buy my first book in paperback here.
No comments:
Post a Comment