Start Spreading the Blues

My reckless sperm just created a baby- go buy me something!

When you're trying for a baby (read: strategically banging your spouse at the behest of a completely romantic fertility monitor), there are few things in life as exciting as telling your family and closest friends that you're finally expecting. You feel like you really accomplished something. You feel like a proud fifth grader who, after studying for hours (and drunk) was rewarded kindly with an A on his science test. The only difference is that in nine months time, the science test won't be waking you up at ungodly hours with no rational explanation at all.

My experiences "spreading the news" for kid #1 and #2 were as different as it gets, as were the plans to conceive them. With our first, Antonio, we tried for a while. We knew we were ready. At least my wife was. I'm still currently questioning if I am. I just knew I was ready for the conceiving part of the deal. So we tried and tried. But we didn't tell people we were (if it needs to be said, telling others you're "trying" for a baby is just plain gross). So, first to our parents, then to siblings, then to close friends, then to an apathetic Facebook community, we shared our news. It was exhilarating. Despite the palpable feeling of embarrassment that goes along with essentially telling someone "I had sex with your daughter/sister," it was a total joygasm. We knew the name, we had the room, it was high fives all around.

Our second (Nathan) was a tad different. For starters, it wasn't in any way planned. At all. Like, that time you wore two different colored shoes to work was more intentional than this. And also, we were already running short on room with just one kid. It'd be an understatement to say concern set in. Then, the next step was to share the news with family, which was fun....damentally awkward.

So, naturally, reactions ranged from stunned to downright angry as some believed it was too early to have baby #2. You would think we had told them our intent to shave the neighborhood squirrel population and use their fur as beards with the blank expressions we were met with. Some verbal reactions were as follows:

"I think it's too soon."
"At least you'll save money on boys' clothes."
"Better you than me."
"You need to start using rubbers."

While all of these statements are probably true, I didn't appreciate them at the time. Nor did I appreciate the significant downturn in visitors we had with our second. I'm sure plenty of you have experienced the same, but it felt like our first was Back to the Future (a classic, incomparable film) and our second was Back to the Future 2 (outstanding film, hurt only by the fact that it was preceded by a classic). Do I even need to bring up the third movie?

This probably explains why, as a second child, I've always felt generally unfulfilled. And it's not because I was treated second rate by my parents or because my greatest accomplishment in my youth was finishing third place in the rope climb, but it was because I was Back to the Future 2. Or worse, Caddyshack 2. Here's to all you sequels out there who never brought in the box office that the first film did!

Till next time, be strong and stay sane. And feel free to share this like the plague!

Next topic: The joys of taking the kids out to eat!

-Joe DeProspero
jdeprospero@gmail.com
Follow me on Twitter @JoeDeProspero
My Podcast: www.courtesyflush.podomatic.com