Talking to Your Toddler About Heaven

I don't bring up Grandma Linda or Nana Helen to my 3-year-old son, Antonio. Ever. I guess I'm afraid he'll ask when he'll see them again, or worse yet, start straining to remember who they are. So, I did what any parent with a child-related problem would do- I consulted the Internet. And it shouldn't surprise you to know that I discovered I'm handling this entirely the wrong way. In fact, I can't remember a time Google ever positively affirmed my decision-making.

What I generally found is that we need to openly discuss the situation with our kids, that sheltering them from the truth would only confuse and frustrate them. I'm guessing that's why he's been acting up so much lately. At least I hope that's why. Otherwise, he was just being a jerk for no good reason.

So, last night, while he was picking out his pajamas, I started in with, "Antonio, I have to talk to you about something, okay?" And he seemed as receptive as any easily distracted 3-year-old and looked me straight in the eye. "Grandma and Nana went to heaven. That's why you don't see them anymore." At this point I realized he had absolutely no clue what I was talking about. I tried to clarify. "It's a magical place you go when you get really, really old and sick." Really, really old and sick?! My Mom would be thrilled to hear this description. But I wanted to convey that it wasn't happening to anyone else around him anytime soon. He continued staring at me, but he did seem locked into the conversation. So I tried bringing positivity into my little diatribe. "So, now when you want to see Grandma and Nana, just say the word and we'll watch videos of them on my phone!" I tried to be as peppy as possible, and I think it worked as he truly seemed excited about the arrangement.

 I'm only adding this stock picture to the blog so I can attach it as an appropriate thumbnail image on Facebook.

Minutes later, Sonia walked into the room. And I reiterated to her how Antonio was going to now see Grandma and Nana through our phones! We both acted as enthusiastic as possible for him, and it actually started working. He seemed content and satisfied that they were now in this heaven place and particularly thrilled that we were actually encouraging him to put his grubby paws on our iPhones- something he perpetually yearned for.

Then, amidst the fabricated joy, Sonia said, "Hey, you wanna watch the video where you hit Grandma with a pillow during our big pillow fight?" I have a habit of documenting anything and everything, so I had plenty of footage of that "fight" from only a week before her death. Antonio excitedly replied, "Yeah! And next time I see her, I hit her with pillow AGAIN!" I suppose those are the heartbreaking moments we'll have to endure for the foreseeable future.

Thanks for reading, and feel free to share.

-Joe DeProspero