Explaining Why Batman is Only Kid-Friendly Sometimes

I recently purchased "The Dark Knight Rises" on DVD. After watching half of it, I left the DVD cover on the coffee table. My three-year-old son, Antonio, innocently picked it up and asked if he could watch some of it.

"No, honey. This is too scary for you," I answered, with a chuckle.

"But..it's Batman," he said, pointing to the cover graphic, eyebrows frozen in disbelief. I looked down at his feet and noticed the Batman logo adorned on his sneakers. So then the question was....how do I explain to my son that certain characters or programs are watchable depending on circumstance?

What I ultimately did was explain that there was a "Kid Batman" and an "Adult Batman." But truthfully, I think he saw right through the bullshit. How could I explain it so he'd understand, though?

"Well, you see, the 'Adult Batman' has lots of melancholy and dying and 'Kid Batman' is basically just Batman and Robin doing donuts in the Batmobile." That's how I'd like to explain it, but realistically can't, or won't. That would be crazy. I mean, it would be crazy, right?

These are the kinds of things we are forced to say as parents. A Kid Batman and an Adult Batman. I'm not even sure if I should capitalize "kid" and "adult" here, but it feels like I should. But seriously, imagine if there were different versions of other characters. Like what if Big Bird starred in a movie opposite a murderous lunatic who cut the faces off its victims? How would we differentiate? And imagine the looks on their faces if we accidentally put the wrong one on during a playdate.

Realistically, there was only ever one Batman movie that was arguably suitable for children. Don't pretend you don't know which one I'm talking about. It was "Batman and Robin." Clooney was Batman, Schwarzenegger was Mr. Freeze and there were nipples in the bat suit. Since this is the most cartoonish of all the Batman films, I considered allowing my son to watch this one first, to "ease him" into the series. But I also don't want to ruin the franchise right off the bat (pardon the pun). I'd almost rather him watch one that will give him nightmares. At least he'll still have respect for the series.

California citizens saw this movie, and voted for him anyway

As parents, we're faced with difficult decisions every day. But I'm always surprised by the ones that seemingly come out of nowhere. I count this among them. So, fellow parents, how would you describe the difference between Adult Batman and Kid Batman?

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